I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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