I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
