that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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