Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Let's paint friendship bongs
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
