We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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