As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize