Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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