My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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