I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
