At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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