he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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