I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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