And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
