Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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