So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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