You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
