69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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