I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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