i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize