Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
