i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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