On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
