Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
