i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
