He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
