i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
