"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
