i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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