I think my vagina is haunted
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
