so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
