That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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