i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
