I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
ttyl tear gas
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
