We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
