My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
