it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
