Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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