ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
