dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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