fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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