I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
