Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
