I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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