It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
