Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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