I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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