he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
