I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
