On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
