Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
