He disabled his match.com account in front of me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
