His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
