Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
me + whiskey = a bad person
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
