At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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