were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
