Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
