How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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