That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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