Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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