Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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